you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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