Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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