thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
