we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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