Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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