i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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