My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
