I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
