I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
