Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize