apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
