I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
