i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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