Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
