I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
