He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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