My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize