Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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