Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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