mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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