i wish my penis had a tongue
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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