His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
