were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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