Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
