don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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