I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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