what day is it and did you see me today?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize