thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
