She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
