i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
