Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
