i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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