My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
