His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
