My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
