THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
