why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
