Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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