hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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