moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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