Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
