ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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