420 ftw
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
