Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
