I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We left the knife in your bed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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