omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
