3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
