it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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