Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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