shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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