is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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