Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
