Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
babies were throwing up all over the place
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
