Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
