Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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