i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
