If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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