the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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