cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Blow job season was short but glorious.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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