it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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