My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
