her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need a beard to bite.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
