North Korea, Best Korea!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
