I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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