The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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