oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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