i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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