So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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