Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
