her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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