Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
