The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
