please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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